The beginning....

I was 6 years old when I fell in love with movies. I remember watching E.T. at my great grandmother's house and instead of freaking out over the alien like some of my friends did, I found myself in awe and wondering how they did that.

I realized that boys did not have cooties after I saw the Goonies. I was so smitten with Mickey and desperately wanted to be his Goonie girlfriend and in order to do that I had to sucumb to the fact that boys did not have cooties. A side note here is that I've been boy crazy ever since so I really should've held onto the cootie notion for a bit longer.

I fell in love with writing when I was 10. I was flying with my family to Vancouver BC for a company trip. I hadn't brought anything with me to keep me occupied on the plane so my dad bought me a Lisa Frank notebook and pen in one of the airport gift shops. I wrote my first story, "Mommy, there's ghost in my closet." It was quite morbid for a ten year old but I let my imagination run wild on those pages. Its been a drug for me ever since.

I fell head over heels in love when I was 14. My next door neighbor, who was 9, had come over with some stupid Disney movie called "The Mighty Ducks" and begged me to watch it with him. I was doing homework and had absolutely no time for Disney nonsense but he begged and pleaded and I told him fine. I continued to do my homework and pretended I was watching. At one point he said, "Stef, look this is my favorite part." I looked up to see the prettiest blue eyes I have ever seen. For those of you that might not have figured it out yet, it was a young Joshua Jackson. Now since I've never met him and don't know him I can't realisitically be in love with him and I'm well aware of this fact however he is the bees knees if you ask me. I think he is an amazing and highly underappreciated actor and in addition to this he is that symbol for what my perfect guy would be. Yes, incase you are wondering my expectations are quite high!

I realized at 17 that it possible to combine my love for film and writing into one thing and make a career out of it. Thanks to Matt Damon and Ben Affleck for winning the Oscar in 1998 for Good Will Hunting I discovered that I wanted to become a screenwriter.

At 18, I had my heart broken and my youthful optimism and innocence shattered when I found myself in a relationship that was far to mature for an 18 year old to be in. Since then I've been lost, pessimistic, lonely, sad and scared of the future.

I'm going to be 30 in August and the realization that I'm not where I thought I would be at 30 has prompted several things to take place but the biggest thing is that I need to find the person that I'm supposed to be.

Here's what I know:
I want to work in the entertainment industry and thankfully that love and enthusiasm hasn't wavered. I've worked hard over the last ten years to meet people, gain experience in hopefully next year I'll be making the move to a bigger and brighter future.

I want to marry a movie star. This stems back to my expectations being too high but I feel like someone in the entertainment industry is the only type of person that can really share and understand my enthusiasm and passion for that world.

I want to win an Oscar. One of these days I will either have written, directed or both an Oscar winning film and that 8 inch gold statue will be mine!

I'm going to Vancouver in August to celebrate my birthday! I can't wait. I fell in love with that city when I was 10 and I wrote my first story there. I'm hoping that the magic of that place that settled over me once before will do it again.

Here's what I don't know:
I don't know when I'm going to get my happily ever after. I'm surrounded by friends and family that are all married, having kids, engaged, moving for a job, etc. I feel as though I'm standing still and everyone else is moving forward. I really, really hate this feeling.

I don't know what God has in store for me. I know that I'm supposed to be patient and let him work his magic but it is very frustrating and tedious to keep waiting and praying for answers that never come.


All of this is just a way for me to try and find myself again and I thought that writing about this might be theraputic. So until next time...